Every once in awhile you come across a movie so bad, so absurd, you come out of it somehow not regretting wasting the past two hours of your life. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
To begin with, this is not the book. The book followed the original Austen novel (more or less…if you squint), but with an infestation of the undead. The movie, on the other hand, took the characters, the zombie plot device, and a very abridged version of Austen’s story and…
How do I put this…
I’m finding it hard to describe this film, so let me just tell you some of the plot points.
At one point, Mrs. Bennett compliments Lady Catherine on her pantaloons. This imposing lady also sports a fine eyepatch.
The proposal scene descends into a fight with Elizabeth trying to stab Darcy with a fire poker.
When Lady Catherine confronts Elizabeth about Darcy, it descends into a fight between Elizabeth and Lady Catherine’s man, Wilhelm. Not Lady Catherine, who is too venerable to fight Elizabeth.
After Wilhelm is defeated, Lady Catherine suddenly discovers she rather likes Elizabeth and invites the entire Bennett family to the shelter of Rosings.
There are zombie aristocrats.
Wickham is a zombie advocate.
He wants to forge a peace treaty with the zombies before they decide to follow the antichrist.
He may also be the antichrist.
He is revealed to be a zombie who apparently isn’t decomposing from sheer willpower.
After Wickham runs away with Lydia, he locks her in a dungeon. A rather large and imposing dungeon. Which is in the basement of a country church.
Zombies only go mindless after they eat human brains. Pig brains keep them relatively functional.
Darcy feeds them human brains. Not sure why, other than he is an idiot who hates Wickham.
The Four Horsemen appear now and then. No real reason why, except to emphasize that this is the apocalypse. They don’t do much aside from stand there, looking sinister.
Some of the original dialogue does appear from time to time, but mostly you have lines like this – “Miss Bennett, you’ve finally arisen. How fortuitous.” Or Mrs. Bennett complimenting Lady Catherine on her pantaloons, as I mentioned before.
It ends with Wickam and the Four Horsemen leading a zombie attack on Rosings. After the double wedding, naturally. And there it ends, just in case someone decides a sequel is a good idea.
How do you adequately describe a movie like this? The answer is, you don’t. It is bizarre. It is utterly absurd. Basically, it’s Sharknado, but with zombies and set in the Regency period. As zombie movies go, the gore is practically non-existent. If you enjoy highly ridiculous movies, I’d recommend this one, but if you’re looking for Austen, try something from the BBC.